I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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