Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
