He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
