dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
