We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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