wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
