I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
