is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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