sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
