I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
