The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
