guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
