if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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