my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
