Whod you bang
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
