I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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