I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
