is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
