im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Also, beer. Big fan.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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