I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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