I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
