you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
