just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
