i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
