She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
