end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
