It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
