You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
