I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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