Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
