I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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