There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
