Where did you get a picture of my penis
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
