So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
