First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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