He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
