i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
and you fell through a lawn chair
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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