Swine flu. Run for my life!
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
