So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
