You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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