I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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