I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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