I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
