Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
