similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Randomize
