Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
