barbara walters just said penis...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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