About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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