A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
