I'm sorry my penis didn't work
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
