I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
