I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize