Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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