I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
