Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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