I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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