I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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