sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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